I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
