Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
