The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
