You made me cry and you don't even care
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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