As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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