Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize