You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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