Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
