Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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