maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
