and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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