my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
