i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
