How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
