1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
