Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
