Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
