Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
