Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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