it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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