if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
