On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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