I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize