He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We are two peas in an std pod
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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