I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
