I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
