Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
