Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
