guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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