I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
