How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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