just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
