she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
