Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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