Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
