I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
