Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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