this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
