the day after is always just damage control
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
