my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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