Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Soap is not a condiment
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
