There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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