Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
