Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
