i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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