I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
