I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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