I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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