I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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