She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize