First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
