Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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