i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
