..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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