is your mom at the bar?
I will die if light touches me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
