I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize