Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
