i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
