***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My liver just broke up with me...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
