My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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