She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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