I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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