You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
