Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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