Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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