Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
