just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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