hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
try to milk me bitch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
