living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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