My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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