he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
